


Couch cushions and spare keys

by mostlikelydefinentlymad



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: M/M, Missing Scenes, Stucky - Freeform, filling in the blanks for what happened after Steve's ma died in The First Avenger, preserum steve, stand alone fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 02:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4546605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mostlikelydefinentlymad/pseuds/mostlikelydefinentlymad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm with you until death itself buddy - you and me, we're a forever kind of love. </p><p>[Steve's ma dies and he feels like everyone he has ever loved will someday become nothing more than a memory. Bucky offers to spend the night in hopes that it might cheer him up - Steve gets more than he'd bargained for.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Couch cushions and spare keys

"I can do this on my own," Steve mumbled as he patted his jacket and pockets for the apartment key. Everyone that he loved eventually left or died - it was a fact of life. Even Bucky was going away and leaving him here with nothing and nobody - a shabby apartment and bullies around every corner. He didn't need anyone - never again.

"The thing is...," Bucky said as he curled a hand around Steve's shoulder and squeezed. "You don't have to." And he meant it - every word. He would work his fingers to the bone to cover the rent and any medications that Steve needed - he would make sure he  was taken care of and loved. God he would be _so_ loved.

Steve looked at him like he was the winning ticket against all odds, soft blue eyes full of love and a trace of sadness and it was enough to make his heart skip a beat. If love could keep a roof over Steve's head and food in his stomach then he'd never go without because he had all the love in the world right there at his doorstep.

"I'm with you 'till the end of the line pal," Bucky kept his eyes on Steve as he gave his shoulder another gentle squeeze. _I'm with you until death itself buddy - you and me, we're a forever kind of love._

Steve stared at Bucky's chest and didn't speak - couldn't speak. The thought of death was on both their minds and he was terrified of losing Bucky just as quickly as he'd lost his mother but Bucky just told him he'd be with him until then. Images of Bucky coming home from work to find Steve sketching in the corner and patting him on the back 'That's a good one, looks just like me', sitting together at their makeshift table and eating yet another bowl of beans, catching a film on the weekend with Bucky at his side....the future looked bright and promising for the first time. 

"So? How 'bout that sleepover?," Bucky cocked a lopsided grin and patted Steve on the back.

 

Steve groaned and unlocked the apartment - was greeted with the smell of pencil shavings and dust. Somehow it never felt like home until Bucky walked through the door. They'd been living together for a year and though Bucky stayed the night at his parents house on occasion ('Ma wants me to help go through some old things in the garage') this was theirs.

"Knew you'd come around. You never could resist me," Bucky laughed and closed the door behind him. He understood if Steve wanted time alone but for tonight he needed to watch him and make sure he didn't do something stupid like taking his grief out via fighting. If he needed a punching bag - Bucky would be that for him.

"Yeah well don't kid yourself. Only let you in because I can't eat a whole pot of beans by myself and ma said never to...," he drifted off and sighed. It was only too easy to talk about her like she was still around, still breathing and fussing over the two of them.

Bucky couldn't stand to see Steve hurting - wasn't sure what to do with himself. In most situations humor helped but this one? Not so much.

"Hey...wanna go see a film tonight? I promise it'll be you and me - no dates unless you want 'um," Bucky raised an eyebrow and tried to put on a happy face.

"I'm gonna stay in tonight, don't feel like you hafta stick around. I'm not gonna break if you go on a date." The edge in Steve's voice never failed to give him away.

"Sorry buddy, not going anywhere without you," Bucky sat on the floor and stretched his legs out. Steve kept his back to him but he always could read him like a book - he needed him.

"Really Buck I'm fine," Steve waved a dismissive hand at Bucky and straightened his shoulders. It was the exact stance he took whenever he was confronted with situations he didn't know how to respond to - the same body language he gave off when a girl rejected him.

"We'll throw some couch cushions on the floor like we did when we were kids and stay up all night," Bucky said with a grin. Even when Steve's dad lectured them about being too old for such things ('People are gonna talk, Steve!') they'd found ways around it. Bucky's ma never had an issue with Steve sneaking over in the middle of the night - that was the thing about living close together. 'Course she would always check his forehead for a fever and make sure he ate a sandwich at least.

"Come'on Buck we can't both fit on those. We're not twelve anymore," Steve cracked a smile then and turned to face Bucky.

"You're breakin' my heart Stevie," Bucky teased.

"Yeah yeah yeah Bucky Barnes the big softie," Steve countered with a smirk.

"Now don't go tellin' everyone."  Steve was right - he might as well be made of marshmallow on the inside but he kept it safely under lock and key. A wink and a date every week did the trick. Truth is - Steve was his soft spot ever since they were kids. He'd saw that messy blonde mop of hair and sixty pounds of skin and bone and he knew he was done for. They'd been inseparable ever since. Neither of them had friends - only one another and that wasn't a bad thing. He kept Steve safe and alive and in turn Steve made him feel needed and important - loved. 

"Betty from down the street might like that," Steve gave him a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I don't think she cares for me anymore - not after I left her standing there by herself and ran after you. Wasn't her idea of a good date."

"You didn't hafta come after me you know."

"Couldn't let you get hurt now could I?." What he wanted to say was _If anything happened to you I'd have nothing in my life worth living for. Maybe it's not healthy and sure I got family but they're not you. If I looked the whole world over I'd never find another spunky scrawny kid who refused to back down from a fight & made me crazy in the best of ways all at once. _

Steve sighed once more and collapsed onto the bed (a sorry excuse for a bed - broken springs and tattered bedspread) and it hardly budged under his weight. 

"How 'bout those couch cushions?"

"If you can squeeze your big body onto three couch cushions then you're more than welcome to," Steve said as he tossed a pillow at Bucky.

"You know I gotta try," Bucky gathered couch cushions and tossed them on the floor - lined them up until they nearly fit together (as long as he ignored the fact that they scooted when he moved) and laid belly down on them. His feet hung off of the end and he had nowhere at all to put his head.

"You were right Buck, perfect fit," Steve collapsed into a fit of giggles and gave him a nudge.

"Scoot over - you're hogging all the room."

Bucky rolled over onto his side as Steve squished in beside of him.

"This was easier when we were ten - without your bony hipbones jabbing me." _Bony hipbones, cold feet, light snoring...Steve._

"Look who's talking, long legs," Steve poked him in the ribs and laughed. 

 

It was impossible not to notice the lack of space between them - the warmth of body heat in the cold of the apartment. It was mid Spring but the place lacked in insulation and the night wind whistled right through any open space.

Bucky tried to ignore the way Steve's eyes drifted up his side and closed in on his neck - his shoulder and cheekbones. He tried - really he did. The last thing Steve needed right now was him dumping old feelings (and present feelings for that matter) on fresh grief.

"Should prob sleep on the bed - don't think these old cushions will hold us up well," he mumbled nearly under his breath as he forced his eyes to look at something else - anything but Steve.

"Hey Buck...whats it like to kiss a girl?" 

That one came out of nowhere - hit him like a ton of bricks to the chest. The closest Steve had came to kissing someone other than his ma was when a mousy brunette named Ella let him give her a peck on the cheek.

Bucky cleared his throat and sat up on the cushions, " 'is hard to say. Soft I guess and if you're real lucky they'll french you."

Steve nodded and looked away as if he had something else on his mind but decided to put it on the back shelf instead.

"You'll find a gal Steve, I'll make sure of it. One that'll treat you real nice and kiss you every night," Bucky put on his best poker face and clapped Steve on the shoulder. _I'm a rotten human being - absolutely rotten. I know all about the girls who like other girls and Steve is none the wiser when I bring one along - with her other half of course. Hate that he thinks it's just him though.  Someday some girl is gonna catch his eye & I'll be a goner for sure. I'm not ready for that. _

"Ma always fretted over me - said she wanted grand kids before she died and well-," Steve cut off with a dry laugh and shook his head. 

"You'll have a whole house full of 'um someday and maybe you can even name one or two after her," Bucky did his best to comfort Steve but his own words cut like a knife. _Where would that leave me?  He's **it** for me. I mean I could find a nice gal and settle down and he'd never know - we could live side by side and...pipe dreams Barnes. Pipe dreams. You're not what he wants nor what he needs. _

"But not too many," Steve interjected. "How 'bout you?"

Bucky coughed and ran a hand through his dark hair, stared at the floor instead of Steve's eyes.

"You know me. Never one to settle down," he said with a wink and an air of confidence that he didn't quite feel.

"I can't picture you when we're older Buck. Guess it's on account of losing people," Steve didn't show the vulnerable side of himself to anyone else and even when he allowed Bucky in it didn't last long before he put up the 'I'm fine on my own, don't you dare act like I'm not' facade.

"I'm not going anywhere 'cept maybe to the store or to keep the girls company - can't disappoint them," Bucky winked and patted Steve's leg as if he were a child in need of comfort.

"Couldn't get rid of you if I wanted to. You're like gum on the bottom of my shoe," Steve cracked a grin and slowly came back to himself - found his way out of the darkness of his mind. More often than not he imagined losing Bucky and it kept him awake at night.

"I see how it is. I'm underneath of your dirty shoes," Bucky laughed and laid back down on the cushions.

"Can't step on you, you're taller than I am," Steve jabbed Bucky's chest to further drive his point home.

"I'll give you that much," Bucky said as he closed his eyes - there were no windows in their apartment but he imagined it must be getting late.

 

Steve laid back down on the cushions and allowed his gaze to travel over the curves and edges of Bucky's body. Where he was short and skinny, Bucky was taller and muscular in all the right places. Dark brown hair lacked the usual hair product and fell over strong cheekbones - Steve wanted to reach over and tangle his hands in it. Full pink lips parted slightly as he slept - or appeared to sleep anyway. Steve knew him well enough to know that he struggled to sleep at night - always had. They'd spent many late nights squinting at comic books with flashlights and giggling over jokes no one else would find amusing.

"Stevie, there's something I wanna show you," Bucky sleepily muttered with eyes still closed.

Steve felt like he'd got caught with his hand in the cookie jar - did he know he was staring? Wouldn't be the first time but he normally tried to be more discreet.

His voice was rougher than he'd intended - "What?"

"Come'ere," Bucky peered at him from half open eyes and held his arms out.

Steve crinkled his brow but closed the distance between them anyway. A hug - he'd expected a hug and nothing more. He certainly hadn't expected warm arms to tug him down and pull his head close until his breath met with Bucky's. He'd swallowed hard and stole a glance at Bucky who gave him a heated look - never in a million years would he have expected this.

"I'm gonna show you something, it'll help you out with the girls okay?," Bucky whispered as he put one hand on Steve's cheek and gently brushed it with his thumb. _This is to make up for all those bad dates. Kinda wanna be your first kiss - they can't take that from me._

"Buck?," Steve whispered hoarsely but made no move to protest.

His eyelids fluttered closed as Bucky pressed a gentle kiss to his lips - soft, promising. And then another as Steve parted his lips and felt Bucky's tongue against his own. It was all he could do to not moan out loud. He instinctively ground his hips against Bucky who failed to bite back the sound that lit up the darkness. He thrust both hands into Bucky's hair as he deepened the kiss. It ended as abruptly as it had began - Bucky pulled away and to Steve he looked heavenly with red lips glistening and hair mussed  by his hands. His breathing came in short puffs and his chest heaved as he struggled to cool himself back down. It wasn't working. 

Bucky licked his lips and sat up and all but ran to the bed. _Wasn't expecting that, Jesus Christ. Sleep. Focus on sleep._

"You'll be kissin' girls in no time now," he said with a pained smile. _Please don't._

Steve merely nodded and crawled into bed- turned his back to Bucky and didn't say a word. 

 

They never spoke of it and in time Steve did eventually get to use those skills on a girl and it made his heart pound in his chest but not for the right reasons. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> the scene with bucky and steve after steve's mothers funeral left me wondering what happened next and whether steve gave in and let bucky spend the night or not. bucky made a really heavy statement ('I'm with you till the end of the line pal') that deserved more screen time than it got.
> 
> Inspired by 'Til Death by Barcelona https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vOJkRxjlULo


End file.
